Couples Therapy
“Chicken again?”
Those are the first words you hear when he walks in the door from work. But what you actually hear is: “You’re a disappointment as a wife and a terrible cook at that.”
You speedily weigh your options…
Throw the chicken in the garbage and tell him to make his own damn dinner?
Scream about all the ways he has disappointed you?
Or just keep silent?
You choose silence this time. Cold silence.
What’s worse, he doesn’t even realize what he’s done.
How can you live with this man another day, let alone another decade? Is it even possible to find your way back to joy?
It’s the same fight over and over again!
Many couples seek therapy for help with communication – not feeling understood, yet not understanding the other. One sees things so clearly, yet the other just doesn’t get it.
For some, it’s finances. One makes it, the other spends it. The perspective on money is from different universes.
Often, couples have conflict over the extended family. How involved should the in-laws be in your life? How much influence do they have, and how much of your partner’s time should they get?
Kids! Whether they are grown and out of the house or just entering the world, kids have a special way of “dividing and conquering” within a marriage.
You might be wondering…
How can two people fall in love yet see something so fundamental so differently?
How did I not see this coming?
How much longer can you bang your head against the wall?
Sometimes, there are events that threaten to wreck a marriage.
Pornography, in-laws, alcohol, an affair. These things seem insurmountable.
In couples relationships, time allows many wonderful memories to accumulate. But time also allows many disappointments, failed expectations, harsh words, and conflicts to accumulate as well. These experiences lead to bitterness and contempt, little by little (and sometimes big by big).
You can’t help but ask:
Is this something that marriage can overcome? Do I even want to overcome this?!
You know relationships take work, but really??
Are you wondering whether it should be this hard? After all, you see friend after friend and smile after smile on Facebook.
On social media, your friends are lavishing praise on their partner as they celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. Everyone on your feed looks so happy, so in love, so together. But in your house, you go days without speaking to each other. Once upon a time, your stomach jumped with butterflies when you saw his name on your phone, but now a call from him makes you feel annoyed.
Are you asking yourself…
Can I ask for help and admit my life isn’t perfect… without judgment?
I can assure you that it really is possible to be happy again.
You’re probably unsure if you can find your way back because the relationship feels so broken.
I get it. I’ve been married for 17 years, and we’ve had our share of difficulties.
It will take some work, but you knew that: adjustments, healing, new ways to connect, and ways to let go.
Here’s what I can do to help (and what I can’t)…
What I can’t do is referee the disagreements. I don’t take sides. I cannot erase the past, and I cannot do the work for you. It is not me who will save your marriage. It is you, along with the support you’ve been missing.
I will guide you through the stormy waters with research-based approaches… and give you tools to do some traveling on your own.
I can help you sort through the wreckage, open pathways, provide exercises to rebuild what once was.
When Joseph* and Marcia* came for their first visit, I got to know about their current issues, but also about who they were as individuals and as a couple. We created goals for therapy and sketched out an initial plan. I sent them home with homework. My favorite part – when they did the homework, they found it helped! It gave them the springboard to have important talks, find potholes, and find ways that worked for them to climb out of those potholes as a team.
Before we meet again, you’ll have many hours together living life and experiencing the opportunity to use what you discover in therapy.
This is where the magic happens! After each meeting, you’ll have something to focus on; then we’ll process it when you visit again. This is how we find lasting change – by putting into action the new skills and perspectives that are specific to you and your relationship as it unfolds.
There are hope and healing, and therapy is the missing link.
Are you ready to shed the bitterness and contempt, and reconnect with the love and hope you once had for your relationship?
Are you ready to learn and practice new skills that you can use for the rest of your lives, all the while building new connections that will fortify your relationship?
Experience the happiness you’ve been longing for. All it takes is a phone call to get started: (904) 469-0060
*Names changed to preserve client confidentiality.